Day 15, burning heather on the Pentlands

Day 14, fuck, scary sign guy! I mean, would you buy a shed from him?

Day 13, more signs... love 'em, really do

a time of signs and omens...

Day 12, another sign, it's all glittery too...

Cinderella, the alternate ending...

 Yep, an inward looking therapy post, full of angst and hidden meaning (or something like that!) man, I love the internet.

 Cinderella... the way it should have ended. lol, this is a story with balls, you can read into that whatever you like.

It's two minutes past midnight, the coach has turned back into a pumpkin, mice are scuttling around, whinnying (mice aren't too bright, they need time to adjust) Cindy is standing in her rags 'n tatters wondering wtf she's going to do with 600lbs of pumpkin, whether her wicked stepmother will enjoy pumpkin pie, mousse and pound cake or whether she'll be sent to the cellar in disgrace.

 Enter, the fairy godmother, who is an old fashioned tool of the patriarchy if you ask me.  She asks how the ball went, and the crucial question, did Cindy get her prince.

 Cinderella is a smart cookie, you wouldn't think so to look at her right now, but honestly this girl is going places.  She beats the fairy godmother over the head with her remaining glass slipper and when she's down, pinches the (pink, glittery, star on top, this is a fairytale y'know) magic wand.

 Five minutes and a bit of bibbity bobbity boo later and Poof (no pun intended, honestly) Cindy (Now Steve!) is reborn as a bad ass biker dude, he turns one of the mice into a (still whinnying, sheesh, dumb mice) motorbike and rides off to find his very own happy ever after.

 He leaves a very nice recipe for pumpkin cheesecake though, just in case, he's still concerned about recycling, food waste and his carbon footprint, and no, that does not make him a girl, so there.

 The end... maybe?

How do I love thee, let me count the ways...

Lard, white gold! lol, the world has apparently remembered what they all used before goose/duck/unicorn fat got outrageously trendy.  Waitrose is selling jars of Iberican pork fat for the princely sum of £3.49 for 250g.  However, if you know a free range/organic pig person and can persuade them to hold you some back fat or leaf lard you can make your own, for free!

Recipe, eh, no.  As much pork fat as you have, diced as finely as you can be bothered.  Pop it in a large jam making pan with half a cup of water, turn the heat on.  When the water starts to boil turn the heat down and leave to render, stirring often.

 When you have mainly small pieces of crispy skin floating in a clear, slightly golden liquid you're done.  Sterilise some jars and use a bit of cheesecloth in a sieve to strain your lard.  Decant into your jars and leave to cool.

 Once chilled you have the making of the best pie crusts, cookies, cakes and doughnuts in the world.

The resulting fat is creamy white, odourless and clean to cook with... it makes for pie crusts so light and tender that they melt in your mouth.  Made a quiche today with the waitrose lard (ok, I bought it, just wanted to compare, no different to the home rendered variety!) and some leftover roast chicken.

Pastry

200g 00 flour

50g butter

50g lard

good big pinch of salt

double cream to bind

 Rub the chilled, diced fats into the flour until you have the texture of fine breadcrumbs, stir in the flour and gradually add tiny splashes of cream until your pastry comes together. 

 Form into a ball and sit on some cling film, pop more cling film on top (this pastry is fragile, hard to roll) and roll out to fit your quiche tin.  Using the cling film ease the pastry into the tin, being careful not to stretch it to fit, push gently.  Don not trim the overhang!

 Chill, overnight preferably.  Heat the oven to 190,  trim the pastry with a small, sharp knife, line with baking paper and beans then bake blind for 20 minutes.  Remove beans and paper and continue to bake for 10 minutes.

 My filling was 300ml cream, 1 whole egg and three yolks, shredded roast chicken, fried pancetta cubes, salt and pepper.  Mix the cream, eggs and seasoning.  Place the chicken and pancetta in the crust and pour the cream over (easiest to sit this on a baking sheet first!) then bake at 190 for 20 minutes then 180 for around another 15, until the filling is golden and slightly puffed up.

 Cool before eating.

lighterlife, chocolate brownies, lgbt and rambling...

Not that kind of rambling though, I hate the great outdoors.  It's cold and wet and sometimes muddy. 

 My weight loss goal is not going very well, due to a sloppy attitude and, well, the fact that I've eaten too many carbs to make my body happy (and my butt smaller) these last few weeks.

 Hmmph, I suck, I really do, I'm alright at dieting, I'm alright at sticking to it, but when I fall off the wagon I really lose it.  I feel like I've had enough of lighterlife, the total abstinence thing, I actually want to eat real food.  I'm thinner than I've ever been before and stand to lose around a stone through plastic surgery (eep! waiting for my appointment with the surgeon) so, yeah, I'm pretty happy.  Mostly I want to work on my fitness/shape.

 So... my new eating plan goes a bit like this
Breakfast ~ Porridge, the sort from the little premeasured packs
Lunch ~ protein bar (lighterlife)
Supper ~ weight watchers type ready meal
Bedtime ~ lighterlife hot chocolate
Snack ~ one pot natural, no sugar yoghurt

 We shall see, I'm freaked out about getting on the scales on Monday, but I had better just do it.

What else have I been up to? eh, not much... I went swimming, which is a huge deal for me! not been swimming for years, first because I was too fat (and feared a harpoon between my shoulder blades) and then because I was too self concious.  The local lgbt center has a swimming session at a nice (cold, icy cold) pool in Edinburgh so I went along.  Pool was icy (did I mention that?) but steam room was fabulous! I love it, when I become a millionaire I'd like one in my house!

I've been baking, a coffee cake for my aunties birthday... I love coffee cake and hardly ever get to make one!  The very nice girl from the cake shop made the bow for me, I'm not much with the fancy ribbon work! lol, shame girls in cake shops aren't all that nice, really, you'd think that cake and nice girls went together like,  well, I dunno, cake and nice girls! what's not to like?

Then a no reason whatsoever sort of cake, that I am employing poetic licence for and calling a silk road station cake.   Cherry/almond loaf cakes are commonly called station cakes, well this is a pistachio and cherry loaf with a rosewater glaze... it smelled every bit as good as it tasted, kind of a dense, moist pound cake type of thing...

I had the annual marmalade making session, during which I am horribly sticky and the house smells of a Spanish orange grove.  Two batches this year, a lighter orange and vanilla flecked version and  a darker, treacly type.

And finally! an entirely innapropriate tray of brownies, uh, it's for my B2/M2 project? I made them in my chicago metalware biscotti pan, and would say it's now my pan of choice for brownies/blondies, it's the right size for a 20cm square recipe (standard brownie size!) but makes sure everybody gets the chewy edge/gooey middle combo.  These were oreo brownies, from the bbc book Baking made Easy, it's a nice book, made two things from it now and they were both nice, the brownies are very tasty indeed.  Made them again today, no oreos though so I threw in some chocolate chips instead.

day 11, rare breed piglets from Whitmuir Organic Farm

day 10, some idiot left the fridge open

Day 9, Everything is going to be alright, I hope so!